How to deal with a breakup

It is so tempting to reunite with someone you broke up with. Yet we seldom understand that this temptation is so temporary and deceiveing. Breakup happens with number of reasons. 

Reason 1. No efforts. Either you or your gf/bf stopped putting efforts in a relationship. You think that relationship is all have to do with heart. Actually that is mood swings. Don’t expect other to be on the same line as you are on this. “You have to put efforts to make it work.”

Reason 2. Distance. Miscommunication happens alot in this and the sad part is that you don’t have a chance to correct it. Either it is too late or you aren’t able to communicate it properly on phone. It just leaves a “scar” in the relationship.

Reason 3. Not sure. You or your bf/gf is not sure what you want from this relationship. Better you sort it out first by stating out clearly that you aren’t sure about it and you need time. Spilling out bitterness or blaming them won’t work, because it means you have burned the bridge. There is no turning back after that.

There many reasons.. either they cheated on you or you have your own unique reason. You don’t want to get back and hence to deal with it..

Solution 1. No contact rule. Although it’s seems so clichΓ© thing to do, but you just can’t be friends with your ex. All the bitterness and your beautiful past moments together will burn the bridge of friendship. 

Solution 2. Be with friends. Being with friends will help you to interact with them which will take your mind off from those hurtful things or your ex. 

Solution 3. Get rid of stuff. All those gifts, things which ignite your hurtful feelings: Either donate it or put it at some place that you know you won’t open it for years to come. 

Solution 4. Keep on living. You don’t need someone to be happy. You have to keep on living and be happy and upright as you always seems to be. 

If you still feel down or depressed or you don’t know how to get over it. Just think that you have to take it one day at a time. There is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with that person. It was just bound to happen. You forgive him/her and move on.. that’s the best way to heal.

Time Travel

When you have a bad childhood or something, you wish that you weren’t living in this life. You liked the fairytales more or a place where people seem to be more happy and content. Where is it? How can you travel to the place while you are experiencing your bad childhood? Ofcourse through your mind (subconscious mind). Then you dream stories and you are the silent child in real world, you dream about past making it good while you were the most talkative one, you dream about fantastic future and you are the most obident child. You are here in the real world, not completely. There is nothing wrong with dreaming and if it hasn’t been there, where would be the hope to live this life. 

But real problem starts when you are the same child in your adult life.

Why? This time you have to be totally conscious. You have beaten up with the truth that no place and nothing can make you happy only a still mind can. There you spent all the time creating foundation of subconscious mind and actually you have to deal with the conscious world. How to achieve consciousness?

On the good side: meditation, exercise, eating right or good social group can help.

On the bad side: drugs, alcohol, bad relationships, violence, cigarettes will do. (To achieve another level of “consciousness”)

No, the problem isn’t solved yet. These kids who are now grown up, rarely tends to be on the good side. Why? It is because that’s too awkward for them to handle it. Imagine someone not that social, overthinker now have to sit idle and meditate or make new friends (trusting people). That’s way too awkward. If these adults are on the bad side they have to be awkward and this comes naturally to them. I am not suggesting people who have bad childhood to take drugs here. That’s not my point. 

I am giving you hope. You know those good sides are very blissful. If you will try, you can achieve it. I know you have to work hard, more than your peers do. Try to stop time travelling (day dreaming) because experiences in the real world is something which you will remember in your death bed. You must take life on your own hand. Live to the fullest. Be happy and love life till the end! 

The power to be alone.

There are three kinds of vital things which hold the relationship (love): romantic relationship, physical and the last one is the loneliness. Maybe you know much more about the first two than I do. Let’s explicit the last “vital thing”. Loneliness or being alone is a feeling we all had and we all have to deal with it one time or another till our life ends. Its bound to happen. You may never meet anybody who had never been alone. The thing which we might not know is that, loneliness has tremendous power. Most of the time, we attribute it to something negative happening to us. A power which holds you to the most abusive relationships.

Why you are still in that?

You don’t want to be lonely.

Maybe you are not in abusive relationship but you are in emotionally deficit one. To elaborate, you have greater or higher expectations which are never met (even it is minimal as that, it is never fulfilled by the other). But, you don’t want to be alone and you don’t want to leave the person (your comfort zone). Aren’t you using him/her? Is it okay to use someone in such a way? Β If it is mutual, is it still okay? I don’t think so. It would be very very bad for you, because no one would confront you with the harsh truth that, ‘They are lonely that is why they are with you’. It would be like kicking your pride out or detrimental to your ego. This could even happen to you with simple friendships. Most relationships of human are based on this fact that, they don’t want to be alone.

Now, you understand how tremendous power loneliness had on you. The best way to deal with it is to be comfortable in it. If you have control to this power, your life experiences would be much richer and your thinking will broaden. The negativity that once surrounded you and the guilt you had of webbing an important relationship on the basis of loneliness, might lessen. Β You must speculate your relationships if they are based on love, romance, fun, emotional connection or just mere loneliness.

Weaker sex

I accept we are “weaker sex”. A woman has less pride than man, because she chose it to be that way. The choice was weak, I guess. Men on the other hand were very clever in choosing something which gave them Independence everywhere they go… but, they are still on cages in terms of love. How can they love someone who is so inferior to them? You can’t love them, you can subdue them in many ways..but love?! Then there occurred something called, “equality”. Women believed in it and they just believed in it. The cycle has never changed: Power is owned by him and she needs someone to own her power. 

Now, the revolution strikes again and we are in generation of so much emotional turmoil. First, our man wants us to be independent and then he needs us to subdue to him. Not a single human being have succeeded in showing this unexpected, unrealistic split personality(Unless, they have a mental disorder). It’s like you allow her to taste her dream, then snatch her away from it. It is worst than not having a dream at all. Some women, doesn’t dream. Especially of my country, India. They know in future there is very less chance if they’ll get the permission to chase it or not. Why the heck we need permission? 

He replied: that’s how family is built. (Don’t question my pride)

Why we can’t chase our dream?

He replied: Yes, you can. (Ofcourse, you don’t want to) 

Why we are the only one to watch over children?

He replied: Nature can’t be false. (Someone has to do it, why not you.)

My physical strength can’t be a question, because we are not physically strong than animals, still we rule them. How do still we are weaker sex ?

He replied: Oh, you are not. ( You are, you will be, no matter how much you try to overcome that.)

How definite His answers are..! All are half-truth and we have to accept it to sustain.

Is ‘He’ a God?!

‘He’ is a God. 

And we questions ourselves.. “Why we are weaker sex?”. 

Continuation of chapter1

There were a lot of things which causes disease. Like fast food, too much of watching TV and using gadgets (sedentary activities), sitting on the couch for long, standing up for too long, the mobile tower; which is standing tall at your neighbor’s house, the emotional turmoil of life just being like that (depression, sadness, grief, sorrow etc.) and there are you, who can induce diseases in people if you don’t act happy. When we were children parents were very happy that we dream big. Their eyes used to glisten with hope and love towards us. Now, when we are all big, “adult”. All that big dreams shows a doubt in their eyes. All the motivations their mouths can utter, but a son/daughter can see through their eyes. This is a disadvantage because we have known them for too long, maybe this is the reason. The point is, we can see that doubt in their eyes. We can see that ‘hope’ dying away. They have known that life has no awestruck elements. They thought in their twenties/thirties (maybe forties!) that life would be awesome, but they were slapped by reality. Everyone gets that slap, one time or another. Maybe they know, giving too much hope can ruin their adult child. Maybe that adult child would not take interest in living, when they would know the truth. Thanks to media, to disguise life as possibly it could. Now, all of us have false hope and that also is retained with all the self help books, Babas(religious people) and religion itself.

Chapter 1

There was a day. Again. I got up from my bed, brushed my teeth and had some coffee. I live with my family. I liked living with them but I miss living
alone too. It’s always the same, the day. A little difference here and there, that’s all. You think many things about life and it’s importance being vague to you. That’s what was happening with me. Mobile, tablet, TV, laptop and various other gadgets lied there to be used, to suck up my time. I actually don’t care. Maybe I will care after forty years, but right now, I don’t give a damn about my time. We live in India. Place of utter restlessness, still foreigners come here to find peace. The streets full of garbage or people, mostly men. Everything interferes in your life here, the garbage, the people, firangi clothes and idea about Independence and the so-called (still existing) societal virtues (which secretly no one follows).

Broken.

I am broken into two;
the other one which was loved before, is fading now.
She is sad and she is sitting bowed with her legs folded;
her arms around herself.
Few a times, she would see me and I feel helpless in front of her.
I want to give but I have nothing to give.

I am feeding her hope, desires and dreams;
she is still starving..
I don’t know how to love her, to care for her, when she is so wrecked.

She stays there. Day by day, she is fading more.
She used to laugh and grow;
now she is so feeble and small.
Her memories so fond;
but perhaps I won’t remember her again.

One day, she will be gone.
She will see me one last time,
And give me lesson of a life time.